Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
