Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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