He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
