dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
4 words: hood of his car
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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