can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
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The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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