So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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