Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
