wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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