You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
