He uses pillows to masturbate.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
