The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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