And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
