If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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