god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
