i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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