Swine flu. Run for my life!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
