and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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