dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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