Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
