On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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