And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
