someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
