toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
