He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
