i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
