There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
