HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
