By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We got so high we made milksteak
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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