He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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