I just pynch a tree in the face
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
