Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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