A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
