We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
