My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
