your thong is hanging out like whoa
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
