Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
