I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
