i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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