Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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