so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
