just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
