why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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