a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
