Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
