Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
