I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
