I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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