I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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