Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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