well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
