You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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