Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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