Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
barbara walters just said penis...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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