i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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