do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
