Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
